fashion deaf

some people are tone deaf. i'm fashion deaf. an inventory: one zip-up sweatshirt. one ffem windbreaker. two pairs of khakis. one pair of slacks. four pairs of sweatpants. one long-sleeved dress shirt (white). two short-sleeved dress shirts. dozens of t-shirts. more pairs of shorts than i actually ever wear. plenty of underwear (boxers and boxer briefs) and socks (mostly quarter-crew). enough t-shirts that are now too big for me to fill four grocery bags. two pairs of slacks that are 6" too big. one pair of sweatpants that is simply enormous. (they were big on me even when i was bigger. now they're clown pants.)

and yet, even i feel perfectly qualified to call what gwyneth paltrow wore to the 2002 oscars terrible. reality is funny that way.