a sneak preview from the next edition of the worst case scenario survival handbook series:

what should i do when i am attacked by a stealth pakistani remote-controlled robot alien monkey man?

  • first, try not to panic. the monkey man is as scared of you as you are of it.
  • next, try turning on a light. the monkey man, or possibly monkey men, thrive in the shadows.
  • got a banana? although it has not yet been proven that monkey men eat bananas, it seems a logical thing to try.
  • in a stern, commanding voice, yell: "bad monkey man! bad!"
  • preening is always an option.
  • don't even try to defend yourself with a knife. it is common knowledge that monkeys love knife fights.
  • if his attacks persist, leap off a rooftop.
(adapted from an email from marcus without his permission.)


If your monkey is bad well then spank it! Note monkeys do spit when being spanked.

» bob » december 27, 2004 5:57pm

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